I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
