my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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