just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
