walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
