tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
