I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
