i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I checked into jail on foursquare
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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