Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize