Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize