I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She's the barista slut.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
