Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
