Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
