no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
