On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
