I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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