so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
