That's intense
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
