I molested 6 butterflies tonight
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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