FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
