So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
