Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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