the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
