I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have aggressive nipples.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
