will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
