Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize