based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
