i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
