At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize