I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it's like iHOP with fire
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
