I puked a lego.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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