Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
