my mouth tastes like poor choices
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
