i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did I show you my penis last night?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
