weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
