Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
