Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
