My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
