Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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