I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
