I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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