Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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