It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
