you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
