Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
