you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
