Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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