No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
