i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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