I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
