awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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