Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am midnight drunk by noon
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
