It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
