her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
