I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
