so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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