She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
