He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
