My friends, they love my intelligence
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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