Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
