cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish you could order shots online.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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