Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
