I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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