dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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