TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there was a trapeze. enough said
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
