I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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