Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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