im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
