Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
this hospital has no fireball
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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