She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The Olympian is in my bed
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