Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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