just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
