Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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