I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize