Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
