My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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