Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
