Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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