Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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