It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
