There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
