just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sober January is a disaster.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
