I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize