how can u be prego again
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
