they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
