the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
