I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
