shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
