Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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