so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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